Jacob’s Blog

Yes, we are going to get tough on the lawless!

Hello my dear dear friends and blog readers!

I must apologize for not blogging for so many months, but as I’m sure most of you know, I have become president, and being president is not an easy job!

With so many South Africans worried about the lawless state of our country (Remember that these matters are blown out of all proportion by the racist alarmist media), I thought I should take some time today to explain our tough new stance on crime. Yes! We are going to shoot to kill! A few innocent bystanders might get killed in the crossfire, but that is of no consequence!

My apologies! My phone is ringing. Please wait a moment while I answer the phone.

“Hello Julius my dear boy. How are you today?”
“Oh? You got caught in a speed trap? That isn’t very good!”
“Yes of course I can take care of the ticket! Don’t worry about it!”
“What about our tough new stance on lawlessness?”
“Julius! As president of the ANCYL you should know by now that laws do not apply to us! Laws are only intended for other people!”
“Yes my boy, don’t worry about the ticket.”
“Goodbye, and you have a lovely day too.”

Sorry about that my friends. Sometimes Julius can be such a child. Now, were was I?

Oh yes… Innocent bystanders!

We very much regret the deaths of Atlegang Aphane, Olga Kekana and others, but without a tough stance on crime South Africa will simply become another lawless African country. So with the words of my friend and colleague Fikile Mbalula, I bid you farewell: -

“Yes, shoot the bastards… incorrigible bastards!”

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Posted in Corruption | 1 Comment »

Thabo who?

My very dear friends,

I do apologize, most profusely, for neglecting my blog for so many months. I thank Red Herring for my blogging renaissance, but because of his insulting open letter to Noeleen Maholwana-Sangqu (Red obviously has no appreciation for the “fuller” African female figure), I now wipe my arse 500 times on the letter he addressed to me.

And now, onto the matter at hand.

The whole uproar about Thabo being fired (Which the white alarmist press are making a big deal of here and here and here) has made it plainly obvious that many people don’t understand the concept of African democracy. So I have taken time out of my busy schedule to explain the concept to all of you.

African democracy is subtly different from “normal” democracy (i.e. The democracy practiced by colonialist countries) in that “normal” democracy allows a citizen to vote for whoever they choose. While, on the other hand, African democracy allows a citizen to vote for whoever they choose, as long as they vote for me!

Robert Mugabe is a prefect example of a practitioner of African democracy. Many fools, without insight call African democracy a “dictatorship!” My friends, how can African democracy possibly be a dictatorship when it involves elections?

As with all forms of democracy, African democracy includes various mechanisms for doing away with your political opponents. In African democracy, the preferred method of doing away with ones political opponents is murder. So what are all of Thabo’s supporters complaining about? We haven’t killed Thabo… yet!

Another very important aspect of African democracy is having a mechanism for protecting the democracy. In Zimbabwe Robert has skillfully used his armed forces and his war veterans to protect the democracy. I, on the other hand, choose the more subtle approach of using the ANC Youth League and COSATU for protecting the South African democracy. Once again, western alarmist fools, call our democratic protection “intimidation,” but what do these fools know of Africa?

Back to Thabo!

Thabo has meddled with the South African legal process by insisting that even I should be subject to the law. For this he must go!

Thabo, during his reign, has been a very a very good proponent of corruption, but he has wasted far too much money on things like education, health care, HIV, job creation and building low cost houses. For this he must go!

So today we move into a new South African era, and we ask the question, “Thabo who?”

My very best regards to all of you!

Your president in waiting, Jacob.

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Posted in ANC | 2 Comments »

Dear Red

Hey Red! Glad to hear you are well. I’m pretty good too, thanks.

I read your letter with some interest, and must admit that do have a point. Unfortunately, after reading the letter I decided to peruse your blog. I found your post titled “An Open Letter to Noeleen Maholwana-Sangqu.”

Now Red (I hope you don’t mind me calling you Red. I don’t mind you calling me Jake BTW), you need to understand something. I happen to be madly in love with Noeleen! I don’t take too kindly to people who insult (a stupid fat whore with very bad judgement, I think) the women I love, regardless of whether I’m married to them or not. I also happen to be a big fan of 3Talk.

So, this is the situation: I’ve asked Julius to pint 500 copies of the letter addressed to myself. I plan to hang all 500 copies in my toilet. Whenever I take a dump I’ll carefully consider the content of your letter by wiping my butt with it, and then flushing it.

Kind regards

Jake

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Posted in Me | 4 Comments »

Why should I pay tax?

Once again the alarmist white media is doing it’s very best to make me look bad. They are wasting their time, because no one can make me look bad!

Let us for a moment examine the tax issue. For hundreds of years, racist whites exploited the resources of our country and got rich. They also exploited the people of our country, who remained poor while the racist whites profited from the labour of our people.

It’s payback time!

My friends, I tell you that it is our right to steal back what is rightfully ours. Tax should only be levied against whites. They should carry the entire bill for running our country, while those of us who were previously disadvantaged by the previous regime, should be 100% exempt from paying tax.

When I become president of this country, I promise that these unfair laws will be amended. I also promise that no black person will be prosecuted for any crime, as long as that crime is committed against whites, and is committed in the name of regaining what is rightfully ours.

My very best regards to all of you.

Jacob

Umshini Wami

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Posted in Tax | 7 Comments »

The Mauritian evidence is meaningless

My friends, my comrades, my cadres, my supporters,

It has been a very long time since we last spoke. I have unfortunately been very busy, but I have made time in my busy schedule to talk to all of you about the “Mauritian evidence.”

My friends, I know that many of you are worried that the Mauritian evidence will prove to be damning. Of course the white alarmist media are having a field day, blowing everything out of proportion; something they are very good at doing, but I can assure all of you that there is absolutely nothing to worry about.

The concepts of proof and evidence are absolutely meaningless within the context of “African law.” These are concepts that were introduced to Africa by white colonialists, and they have no place in our culture. Besides, there isn’t a court in this country with the guts to find their future president guilty of anything! The courts were too weak to convict me of rape. Surely the same weaklings will not convict me of corruption.

Wishing all of you a peaceful weekend. Rest well in the knowledge that your future president will not spend a single day behind bars.

Jacob

Umshini Wami

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Posted in African Culture, Corruption, Crime | No Comments »

It’s our RIGHT to be corrupt!

As outlined in my blog on African Culture, it is our RIGHT to be corrupt! Corruption is an accepted African way of doing business. It is accepted throughout Africa, so why should South Africa be any different?

In the article posted by The Times titled DA slams ANC on Scorpions, Anton Ferreira is obviously trying to twist corruption into a crime! Of course this is typical of the alarmist white media!

So what need is there for a counter-corruption organization like the Scorpions, when corruption is not a crime? You white whiners of South Africa need to become Africanized! Embrace African Culture today!

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Posted in Corruption, Scorpions | 2 Comments »

Mbeki supporters won’t be purged

My friends,

It has been a few days since I last spoke to you. I have been rather busy. What with trips to Switzerland and trying to bring the party under control, life has been rather hectic.

Over the last few days there have been many distressing reports (Perpetrated by the white alarmist media, of course) about me purging Thabo’s supporters from the party. For once the white alarmist media have got it right. I have no intention at all of purging Thabo’s supporters. I stake my reputation on that!

I can assure all of you that there is total unity within the ANC. Reports of a fist fight between ANC members at the party office in Alice in the Eastern Cape, are nothing more than propaganda. We are strong, and we will continue to rule the country in the same competent manner that all South Africans have become used to.

Of course none of this means that I don’t have plans to purge certain aspects of the party…

Have a wonderful day!

Jacob

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Posted in ANC | No Comments »

White Paper on the Energy Policy of the Republic of South Africa - December 1998

Thanks to Mr. Ray Hartley, the editor of The Times newspaper, I have managed to procure for all of you a copy of the White Paper on the Energy Policy of the Republic of South Africa.

I should add that Mr. Hartley, being the scholar and gentleman that he is, has publicly acknowledged my political astuteness. I’m sure that Mr. Hartley will support my bid for the presidency of South Africa in the forthcoming election.

Furthermore, I can assure all South Africans, that a regime under my control will not fall foul of incompetence in the way that the Mbeki regime has done. My regime will do a better job!

Kindest regards to you all.

Jacob
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Click here to download the white paper

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Posted in Eskom | 1 Comment »

Mangosuthu you back stabber!

The story published by The Times has got my blood boiling!

Eish! A fellow Zulu saying that South Africa can do better than me? What a back stabber he is!

I am sure that Mangosuthu’s back stabbing stems from jealousy of my good looks and many wives!

My friends, what can I say apart from EISH!

Jacob.

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Posted in Me | 1 Comment »

Successful affirmative action at Eskom

I watched Carte Blanche on M-Net last night, and their coverage of the “Eskom problem” caused me much pain indeed. It is shameful how white alarmists, and their puppets, have tried to blame the current Eskom problems on affirmative action! Do these people have no shame?

It is plainly obvious that affirmative action has turned Eskom into a far more efficient organization. Eskom has managed to cut their staff by almost 50%, thus making more money available for executive bonuses. I think Eskom should be applauded for this innovative action. They have set a wonderful example for the rest of South African industry.

At the same time, affirmative action has weeded out the “skilled white supremist element.” It has made Eskom far more efficient, because no longer do they produce more power than can be consumed. Well done Eskom.

There was one element of the Carte Blanche show that made my African heart smile. My name sake, Mr. Jacob Maroga, is obviously a skilled practitioner of that aspect of African Culture called denial. Very cleverly he was unavailable for the interview and left a westerner having to answer the questions… Very clever indeed! Of course whites are not very skilled at denial, but the westerner did a pretty good job of defending Jacob when asked, “Is Eskom still supplying power to our neighboring countries?”

Well my friends, once again it has been lovely talking to you. May all of you have a wonderful Monday, and please don’t forget: Viva! ANC! Viva!

Jacob

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Posted in Affirmative Action, Eskom | 10 Comments »